In this recurring series that nobody asked for and nobody needs, Tucker “Toker” Donovan, our resident white man, answers some of your most burning questions from his unique, white man perspective.
Is Bud Ice still available at the store or did they stop that?
Having to say goodbye to your favorite brews is something I’m all too familiar with, my guy. I shed some tears when I realized that my local corner store stopped selling my favorite libation, Brö Brü. It took me a couple of minutes, but I was eventually able to find another beer that I liked. Still, it was difficult to say goodbye, and that’s something I wouldn’t even wish upon my least favorite friend. So, I did some research and good news, daddio! Bud Ice, Budweiser’s approach to the fractional freezing of beer, is still available at 7-Elevens, and you can even order it off of their website!
Do you sing all the lyrics in a rap song every time? Allllll of them?? Even in public???
I know what you’re getting at, and the answer is no. I’ve taken to using the word “buddy,” even if I’m in the car alone. If you do it over and over, you can train your brain to block out what I call “no-no words.” It also helps to imagine that your grandma can hear you — unless your grandma is a racist.
What’s the hardest part of getting on an airplane?
Besides the grueling process of actually getting to the airport? LOL — just kidding! It sucks when I already double-knotted my shoes and then I gotta go through the whole process of untying them and taking them off when I go through the metal detector.
Yeah, I’ll admit it. Sometimes I forget to wear slip-on shoes to the airport. Whoops! MY BAD. I don’t think I should be subjected to this completely arbitrary, extra process in the name of “airport security.” I’ll have you know that I’ve travelled all over and America is one of the only countries where you have to remove your shoes before you can get on a plane. They don’t even make you do it in Tel A-freakin’-viv. It’s literally the worst part of flying!
Do you ever feel out of place anywhere?
Yeah, whenever I’m around people who only want to put out bad vibes. It’s like, chill, dude. Life is so short; we should only be putting out positive energy and try and party with friends as much as possible.
Can you explain to me what the minority experience is like?
You know, I don’t really know what that’s like. This one is a doozy, so gimme a sec and I’ll Google it.
Oh. Oh god. I read some stuff on this and just, like…. Shit, dude. I didn’t realize it was THAT bad. I’m so embarrassed by my stupid airplane answer. Aw, geez. I’m sorry, I really beefed it on this one.
Who the HELL do you think you are?
Fuck, fuck, fuck, I don’t even know anymore, man. What am I even doing
Why is it so hard for white guys to acknowledge privilege?
I guess, like me, they’ve never had to take that long look in the mirror and ask themselves the hard questions. They’ve always been able to get away with thinking that if they’re not part of the problem, then they’re fine. Hell, even that is a stance of privilege because they get to be able to decide for themselves when they want to be a part of the national conversation about race and privilege in this country.
It’s not exactly an original thought, but white people get apprehensive when they hear the phrase “white privilege.” We’re not used to being addressed or defined by our race, and we bristle when it happens to us. On top of that, the word “privilege” elicits a knee-jerk reaction where white people, especially those from low-income backgrounds, feel the need to defend themselves because they feel like they are being accused of never struggling. Because of this immediate need to go into defense mode, white people often don’t take the time to understand the built-in advantage that “white privilege” is actually describing.
I think if you are white and you know what “white privilege” is actually describing, it’s your responsibility to try and explain it to your friends and family in terms that they can understand. If you know what kind of vocabulary your more belligerent relatives are receptive to, then you have a moral obligation to try and make them understand. I’m looking at times in my life that I’ve said and done some racist shit without even intending to and I’m horrified. I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed.
Do people with penises have their own version of queefing?
How can you ask such a silly question when there are so many cruel injustices in the world?
Want to ask Mr. Donovan a question for the next issue of this series? Feel free to email him at email@example.com (firstname.lastname@example.org was unfortunately already taken).